“Okay, kids, here’s mom’s cell phone. Call us if you need anything, but let’s plan on meeting outside the front door in three hours. See you then!”
I am sure you have heard of this scenario before. The family goes to the shopping mall together, and when they get there, the parents and kids split up and do their own thing. Later, they meet up and go home.
Sadly, however, this scenario is a reality in most churches today in the U.S., even Reformed churches (which betrays everything “covenantal” in one’s theology). When the family attends church, it is more like an outing at the local shopping mall than it is worshipping the Triune God as a family. The family shows up at the church, and drops their kids off at the various age segregated destinations, picking them up hours later. Some churches have children and teens miss the entire corporate worship service, or if the children are a part of the corporate worship service, in many cases, they are dismissed before the sermon begins to attend a children’s service.
Why is this? Here are a few thoughts.
- Children are seen as a nuisance and annoyance in the service. This is more in line with what our society says about children than what the Bible says.
- Parents do not discipline their children, teaching them to sit still and listen during the service. Further, nursery and children’s church allow the parents to drop their kids off, avoiding discipline and instruction during the service.
- It is argued that children cannot understand what is being said or preached. This argument limits what the Spirit can and cannot do in the hearts of the hearers. Further, it is the preacher’s responsibility to speak plainly, so even the most simple can understand. Further, it is the father’s responsibility ultimately to take the sermon content after the sermon and instruct his children.
- Children are being brought up as “entertainment junkies.” If it it’s not fun and entertaining, it’s boring.
I’m sure my words cut across the grain of the standard today, but can anyone provide me a Scriptural example where children are not a part of the corporate service? Because in both the OT and the NT, I see children always present in worship and the reading and preaching of the Scriptures.
I fear that our churches today are more concerned about being pragmatic (let’s do what works) than being Biblical.
Thoughts? Objections?
I am glad that you are posting on children, because I think children have a central role in the life of the church. Children should definitely be in the worship service, but what about participating in the worship service? I do not think there is a rule that says that worship needs to be oriented solely towards adults, and maybe one of the reasons why youth and children check out in worship (besides the good reasons you noted) is that the adults who lead are not thinking about how to involve them.
Also, I think it’s good to realize that what it looks like for children to be obedient in worship is a cultural issue. When we were in Mexico with Armonía, children were actively involved in the service, but that also meant that little children would cry, children were singing loudly but way out of tune (which is great!), and children were expressing themselves in very healthy ways. In short, I do not think that good obedience in the service always mean children are sitting there quietly staring at the preacher.
Anyway, thanks again for posting on this. I definitely think children should be involved and participating in the worship service, but we have a responsibility to make that possible, cultivating a posture that adults have much to learn from children. After all, Jesus told us that our faith should look like theirs.
I’ll pipe in on this as well since I think its an incredibly important issue.
I think that as we consider the participation of children/youth in corporate service we must also think about whether or not our services are atmospheres for people of all ages to meet God. What kind of vocabulary are we using? What songs are we singing? Who is leading, primarily? Is it truly a place for the whole body of Christ, or just adults?
The biggest lament I heard from youth through our time working with them was not merely they were bored with corporate service, but a deep sadness that they sincerely wanted to worship God, but felt out of place, that ways they liked to express their worship were not allowed. It takes some time and finesse to get to the point where youth are articulating this. They may first express that they are “bored” and act that way, but something deeper is probably going on.
I agree that we should not limit what the Spirit can do in terms of children’s comprehension, but neither should we use that as an excuse for sacrificing good techniques to communicate with children and youth.
I SO agree with Wes’ point that we must be learning from children, as Jesus told us to do! Something we loved about the worship with Armonia was that often children led the songs and prayers in all of their child-likeness. Are we being led by children/youth as well as adults? Are we as a body learning from their diverse ways of expressing faith and worship in God? We didn’t have much of a problem with squirmy children since we sang very active songs with lots of movement!
What a beautiful way to channel children’s energy into worship, and what a great way to learn from them as we less-squirmy adults sang and moved with them.
I agree also that discipline/obedience in worship is very much a cultural thing. We need to ask the hard questions: are we teaching children to behave in worship according to what this specific culture says is “naughty” or “obedient” or are we teaching children true obedience to God?
I don’t think I disagree with your sentiment, but I would offer a caveat that the 4 reasons you list as why children are not involved in the entire worship service may not be the only reasons.
I know some churches that offer “children’s church” as a ministry to visiting families who do not know the theology behind the culture of keeping their kids in the worship service. So as a service to these families, they offer this “service” so that they may grow into the covenant culture of that church.
Others believe children and parents are best served by having a “children’s church” to train the children (ages 2-4 or so) in the principles and practice of worship so that they can go back into the worship service more prepared. At its best, this option is done in connection with families and not in isolation.
And then there are those who believe that while the Spirit can work in the heart of a child at any point in time, God normally uses ordinary means to accomplish his work in his people. Thus while the sermon needs to be simple so that everyone can understand, a 3 year old child cannot take in a 30 minute sermon the way an adult can. And so the leadership establishes “children’s church” in order to give them the Word in a form more digestible to them.
Whether we agree with these stances is another issue, of course. I simply suggest that while the 4 “negative” reasons you listed are probably in the mix, there are some “positive” reasons as well.
These are great ideas, because it is of course important that children need teaching and discipleship crafted specifically for them. But I guess there are several questions that we are all asking:
1) Should children stay in the whole worship service? Are there specific portions of a service, like the sermon, when adults and children should be separate in order to receive age-appropriate discipleship. What do you think?
2) If children are in the worship service, how should they participate? I think this is where Steph and I would love to see more participation from children, not just receiving, but giving.
3) If children are participating in the worship service, what are the standards for behavior? Certainly there is biblical rationale for our gatherings to be orderly, but how have our cultures conditioned us to think about orderliness? Should we allow crying in the back? Can children actively ask questions if they don’t understand? Can they move around like children are wired to do?
I would be interested in your thoughts on any or all of these issues. And if you know a children’s minister that could pipe in on this as well, that would be really interesting!
Wes,
I’m not an expert on these matters by any means. In fact, I would say I’m still learning. But here’s my two cents worth (probably worth every penny!).
1) Should children stay in the whole worship service?
I certainly would not forbid them! And I would encourage those parents who wanted to do so. But I wonder if the language of “should” may be too strong because it connotes obligation. If we allow young children to leave the worship service to go to a service geared more to their age group (not suggesting entertainment here, but real engagement for their developing minds and hearts), then I’m not sure there is sin involved.
Are there specific portions of a service, like the sermon, when adults and children should be separate in order to receive age-appropriate discipleship. What do you think?
I think age-appropriate discipleship is a good thing as long as it is not abused. Again, I hesitate to use the word “should” in this regard, but I think it is possible that for some congregations the wise thing may be to have this kind of division during some part of the service.
If children are in the worship service, how should they participate?
I’d say children should be encouraged to participate in whatever way is glorifying to God and edifying to the body. This would probably be played out somewhat differently in each particular church body, however.
If children are participating in the worship service, what are the standards for behavior?
Again, I would go back to the big picture principles of what glorifies God and edifies the church. Certainly obedience to parents and respect for others is a baseline.
Certainly there is biblical rationale for our gatherings to be orderly, but how have our cultures conditioned us to think about orderliness?
I’d say culture makes a huge difference. I’ve been on several mission trips where the worship service was orderly, but not “orderly” by some American church standards.
Should we allow crying in the back?
Again, I’d ask what edifies the body? Not simply the people sitting near the child, but the parents and child as well! If we ask this question, the answer may not be as cut and dry as some might think.
Can children actively ask questions if they don’t understand?
I guess this depends. Edification of the body (once again!) is at the heart of how we answer these types of questions. If my 4 year old daughter was sitting beside me in a worship service and asked me one question during a sermon, I’d probably answer it if it was a simple enough question. But if I thought her question asking was becoming a problem for others around us, I would probably encourage her to ask questions later.
Can they move around like children are wired to do?
Again, I think it depends upon how distracting they are to the parents and to others. My two year old has real trouble sitting still for longing than a few minutes. She can do some moving around without being too much of a distraction to others. But when the line is crossed (whenever that may be) something needs to be done to keep her from causing a disruption.
I think you’ve taken a great stab at this questions, and have answered them in ways that could apply to various contexts. I can only imagine how wonderful it will be when on the new heavens and new earth people of all ages and all cultures will be worshipping together in the fullest glory possible!
Great post Danny. I share many of these same concerns. What should regulate our worship is the Bible alone. Given its teaching on public worship and the familial nature of the covenant, I think our worship should include every family member.
Speaking from recent experience, it IS a pain in the neck to discipline my little rug rats while the service proceeds. But who says worship shouldn’t be painful on occasion? At its best my worship experience always includes a measure of pain (Heb. 12:11), though my experience is not the basis for either the being or well-being of God’s worship.
Wow. Good note, and good comments! At my church, the children are involved in the beginning service, which is the main worship. They then go to do their own thing during the sermon. After the sermon there’s usually another song or two, then the children come back and it’s over.
It’s a difficult balance here. I can tell you that the childlike innocence of dancing before the Lord is quite wonderful. There’s a little girl that always dances during worship, and I sing, look at her, and smile. A friend of mine (who just turned 21) got courage from that little girl to also dance during worship. I was proud!
The Shema calls for holistic worship, and parental obligation to teach children. You’re darn right that they’re part of the community, and they need to be included.
This is an issue that definitely demands more attention than it gets.